Hurt But Not Hopeless…

 Well, we went out swinging in Round 3 but, like Pacquiao, we had a devastating defeat (and unfortunately we didn’t walk away with millions of dollars at the end of the fight). So as our last (and final-for-now) month of IUI treatments ends with yet ANOTHER negative, we are bummed, frustrated, and disappointed. …And it stings even stronger and deeper with Mother’s Day just a few days away- another Mother’s Day with an empty womb and empty arms. A friend sent me this post from blogger Amy Young titled “An open letter to pastors {A non-mom speaks about Mother’s Day}”. This post really resonated with me and I hope it does with you as well- regardless if you’re a mom or not you can gain some insight.

Well, we had our minds made up before even meeting with our doctor today. We decided to take a break from treatments for a while- our doctor agreed that it’s a good idea. My body (which is not used to medicines) has been on countless medications and hormones since October. So I’m stopping my pituitary tumor treatment since my numbers are good now (I’ll follow up with more blood work in 6 weeks to make sure it hasn’t returned). And I’m detoxing my body of all the added stress as well. We are really looking forward to our upcoming vacation to North Carolina, St. Augustine, and Savannah. And the bright side is that I will be able to hike, bike, and climb without restrictions. I am also looking forward to working out together again since I haven’t been allowed to work out for 3 months! And we’re looking forward to stress-free time together. I don’t plan on tracking my cycles, filling in any charts, or lying down with my hips and legs in the air.

Let me be clear: We’re definitely not giving up. We are very hopeful. We have peace knowing that we were supposed to go through these IUIs. We don’t have any regrets… we don’t know “why” now since it appears that we lost more than we gained but our Father sees the bigger picture. So we move forward with the same faith, knowing that one day I too will be celebrating Mother’s Day.

Psalms 37:23 >> The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.

Provers 16:9 >> The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

Isaiah 41:10 >> Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you. I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

IUI(s) #3

I told you we would go out swinging in Round 3… so we decided to do injectibles this round!! From CD3-7 I gave myself a Gonal-F 75iu injection at night. 

My body responded fast and by CD8 I gave myself the Ovidrel trigger shot. The next day we went in for IUI #3, Part 1:

It went very well! Our doctor was extremely impressed with our numbers and this time the follicles (yes, plural, there were two! Perhaps twins?!) hadn’t yet ruptured… finally we were able to get an insemination in before the rupture! He did an ultrasound after the insemination (this triggered my round ligament pain again but this time it only lasted a day!) so we were able to see that the “sample” was in the perfect position and at 95% motility, he is optimistic! The next day we went in for IUI #3 part 2…

A new doctor in the practice performed the IUI she was very positive and is herself pregnant… hopefully her condition is contagious! 😉 We were a little nervous because our “sample” was over an hour old when we finally got in for the insemination and they didn’t do an ultrasound before or after so I’m not sure what’s really going on in there. But as the doctor inserted the catheter, she said “this is the last time you’ll need to do this!” Allan and I really appreciated the positivity. However, we were still nervous afterwards and then I came across this verse,

“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” And Paul responded to that with, “So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

Things didn’t go exactly as I had planned and I would’ve been less anxious had we done an ultrasound (for all I know, the follicles may not have even burst yet). I guess this is a test of my faith- having peace and believing without seeing- literally, blind faith. So this verse is a reminder that His grace is ALL I need. So I will take advice from Paul and boast that no matter what odds were for us or against us, our God’s power works best in weakness. Perhaps you’re going through a situation that seems to be filled with a lot of “weaknesses”, will you join me in trusting [no matter the immediate results] that His best work is done in our weakness?

….let the two week wait begin!! Your prayers are much appreciated!