So we created this vlog as a community for those of us battling infertility so that we don’t have to suffer in silence. However, I have done just that this past month. And for that I apologize. I have been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster to say the least; I am tearful at the drop of a hat. A kind cashier at CVS wished me luck as I bought some pregnancy tests and I had to hold back the tears till I got to my car. I find myself frequently fighting back tears. It’s like I’m on constant edge and things are getting to me that don’t normally get to me… I am typically the one that is always happy but lately I find myself annoyed and frustrated. (My poor husband!)
We have decided that if we make it to next month without a positive pregnancy test and my body is cooperating, we will start IUIs. This decision left me fearful and even more emotional! All the “what if”s came flooding in: what if this doesn’t work? what if we spend thousands of dollars and get nothing but disappointment and heartache? how would we deal with that? would we spend tens of thousands more trying IVF?
So I decided to go on a beach date with my Father. It was rainy, windy, and about 65 degrees outside…less than favorable conditions for a beach date! However, when I arrived, the wind slowed down and the rain subsided long enough for me to have a conversation with God about my fears. Before heading to the beach, I heard the song “You Make Me Brave” by Bethel Music:
While I was talking with God and watching the waves come and go from the shore, He whispered to me “Be brave”. I have to leave the safety of the shore to the uncertainty of the waves. As a friend of mine told me, “You can’t be brave unless you take risks.” And IUI is a risk worth taking!
Please keep the prayers coming!